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Post by guest on Oct 19, 2007 1:51:02 GMT -5
HI everyone. I hear alot of talk about Narcissists coming back after they've dumped you. My question is are they ever completely done with us or are we always in their back up plan???
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Post by massagelady1 on Oct 19, 2007 22:59:40 GMT -5
Hi , I think that they will keep returning as long as they want their N supply from you. My exN had no contact with his exs after he lost interest . He has had little contact with me except when he wants somthing he left here. He is always surly and insulting. I think that if you are in their backup plan it depends what kind and how much N supply they think that they can get from you. If they think that you are on to them and you reflect a bad image back, chances are that they will never call again . They only want praise, and adoration .Sometimes they like it if they think they can cause fear.
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Post by massagelady1 on Oct 20, 2007 16:58:07 GMT -5
Hi,
Just had a few thoughts abo ut this, Although the N may never call or talk to former partners , I think they still use them as a supply reserve.They may do a lot of self stroking, Or they may tell the next womqn a lot of things to elicit supply from her. My N talked alot about former girlfriends and wives. Usually it was to brag about how he had rescued them , how they ruined their lives when he only tried to help them and steer their course. He also liked to brag about his sexual abilities with these women ,and how they couldnt get enough! Most ended up betraying him and entered affairs,(I believe they were abandoned sexually by him first) Or became addicted to cocaine, ( which he admits or boasts about having been hooked on 3 times himself ,and usually got them using ).I think they will dump you when they see you are used up and have no energy left to give them the supply they need. My ExN used to kick me out , give me a few weeks to recharge my supply battery and come back for more energy. He would repeat this for 6 years. At the end he saw that my opinion of him had degraded , I could critasize , and not care about displeasing him, he knew that there was not enough supply to bother with. Time for him to move on to someone whom he could trap and fool. I can tell he is resentful because I wouldnt "play along" when we ran into each other at the drugstore. He would have loved to have me fawn over him in public with our friend watching.He complimented me, and wanted supply in return. This tells me he is still alone or he would have ignored me totally and probably gave me dirty looks to boot.They will run you down to their next supply to show what heroes and mayrters they were.Listen to the stories they tell about women in their past, always undeserving , foolish women who didnt know when they had it good. A couple of these women did end up in trouble or jail, This made him jubulient! I think these women were immature, and emotionally frail to begin with, and just couldnt handle the rigors of supplying his narcissism.He admitted once in a state of drunken remorse that he thinks he made Marilyn start taking too many drugs so he would have an excuse not to marry her! his remorse was not because he had helped ruin her life ,which resulted in a prison sentence ,and her children being put in foster care , but rather that he didnt like having to dirty his hands. He wouuld have liked it much better if she could have destroyed herself , but she wasnt doing it quick enough to appease his waning interest. When we hit bad times he exacerbated the breakup by repeated acts of narcissistic abuse. My reactions he blamed on the economy, change of life mood swings, menstural distresses , and my being spoiled by his loving me too unconditionally.Everything but himself!
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Post by Candice on Oct 22, 2007 23:13:41 GMT -5
Hi, ;D
Just when I thought I would never hear from him again, a minor N who ditched me a couple of months ago just sent me an E card, The card was a free Yahoo card with revolving numbers like a slot machine or an odometer, the numbers increase into the thousands and finally spin into three red hearts "Guess how many times I thought of you today"? the message read".He signed," I just want us to start again now, I can explain my vanishing". I couldnt resist repling" What in the world happened? Where did you go? Where are you now?" Bet you, he will have some noble and heroic reason for ditching me , Probably needed to spare me somehow and now that things are under control he wants back! he will end up expecting me to thank him for sacrificing the relationship for the greater good. This man is a former media personality with a HUGE ego,and also a seniorsomaticN , Who now lives out of his car and in budget hotels, The old vagabond probably needs a place to stay!Ill bet he ditched me for a new N supply who ditched him!
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Post by Ella Scott on Oct 23, 2007 15:54:48 GMT -5
Candice - you're right....I bet he'll have some heroic response for his disappearance. Stay strong and don't give into his b.s!
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Post by shalomrain7 on Dec 30, 2008 8:14:48 GMT -5
are they ever really done with you? ..wrong question. "are they ever really involved with you" should be the question. narcissists don't have the capability to care about anyone genuinely. what they are doing with you, the way they treat you is all about themselves, therefore, YOU don't really exist in the equation--you, as in your intrinsic meaning and value--are completely invisible to 'your' narcissist. you're just there for his or her dramatic effect.
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Post by shalomrain7 on Dec 30, 2008 8:19:11 GMT -5
are they ever really done with you? ..wrong question. "are they ever really involved with you" should be the question. narcissists don't have the capability to care about anyone genuinely. what they are doing with you, the way they treat you is all about themselves, therefore, YOU don't really exist in the equation--you, as in your intrinsic meaning and value--are completely invisible to 'your' narcissist. you're just there for his or her dramatic effect.
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