Being Married to a Narcissist

[massagelady1]

Hi,
While my ex was not addicted to porno . He did enjoy telling me about all of his past sexual adventures and acrobatics. His former girlfriends were coc ktail waitresses and showgirls . All very beautiful. He loved telling me about how much sex he had in the past and how the girlfriend before me had actually been hospitalized because of their over frequent and over zealous love life . we however had not had sex more than 20 times in 6 years the last time being more than 5 years ago. He kept assuring me that he would soon be getting his powers back if I was patient. He never did . I felt ugly and unwanted. My weight ranged from 150 down to a skinny 115. No body type seemed to arrouse him. He insisted that I sleep nude , claiming that nightwear no matter how pretty was a deterrent to sex and if I ever wanted sex again it wouldnt be unless I complyed to code. Sex never came again. when I kicked him out we hadnt had sex for 4 or more years. He claimed the reasons were , mental, physical ,emotional, and fatigue, although he rarely left the couch. He seemed to enjoy teasing me.Candice

[massagelady1]

Back to the sex thing , before I forget. One strange thing I found out through conversations with dancer friends is that they also had sexless lives with their narcissists. At least three dancers I know have encountered the exact same rejections as the rest of us.Once the relationship became permanent they lost interest in them sexually, in spite of their nice shapes and talents. My daughter, a dancer , was also married to a narcissist for 10 years. My son in law didnt work , and called every one else in the world sheeple. Half sheep half people . He claimed to be too smart to leave the house and couldnt be expected to have to work among incompetence and stupidity . My daughter paid for everything a house and two cars he used drugs my daughter does not even smoke or drink , yet because of her job, he would try to discredit her, yet also keep her dancing, he now has a bench warrent for running up her old credit cards .When they got together she was 17 and he was 28, He isolated her for several years, She became too independent to let him control her and became stronger and stronger while he declined. She is now remairried to a wonderful man and they are expecting there first baby in April.Some dancers husbands are even worse when it came to spongeing money because of the huge amounts dancers can make. they took their money and called them names. The same as with us. Candice

[Ella Scott]

Narcissists secretly love to frustrate women sexually. It's the sadistic part of them. They have a love-hate relationship with women. It's really sad. I'm so sorry you and your daughter had to endure life with a narcissist, but I'm glad you got out!

Narcissists have no interest in being intimate with another person. Cerebral narcissists dread sex and regard it as a maintenance chore. Somatic narcissists have meaningless sex with many women to validate their virility and masculinity. None of it means anything to them emotionally. They are dead inside and prefer auto-eroticism (masturbation). They get turned on by their own image.

[Guest]

Wow- and you complaining about it? No sex, I mean. Boy- I wish i could fing a man who does not want sex! I hate sex and thats why i can't keep any relationships- because they want sex. If I could find a man who does not need it, I would be sooo happy.

[massagelady1]

Dear guest, I am sorry that you hate sex. Maybe somthing happend in your past that has made you unresponsive or fearful Could it possibly be that you simply have a lower sex drive than other people you talk to and are just indifferent about it? It is amazing to me when I hear women talking about men who want alot of sex because I sure cant find any. My beautiful dancer daughter was married 10 years to a young healthy man who rejected her constantly. I think this may be part of the reason she became a dancer in the first place, to get the admiration from other men that her husband wouldnt give her.He refused all counciling . I hope that you can find someone whose sex drive and lifestyle is compatable to your own.Maybe if you are not constantly pressured you can relax and learn to enjoy sex together. Doyou think that maybe it is not sex you hate , but like so many of us were just with men who were not good for you? Sex is rarely enjoyable anyway unless it is with the right person.
Candice

[Guest]

I apreciate your responce. Would not want to make thread about me, as there so many important posts that can use reply- I really apreciate it. BTW- may be you guys can post your stories in separate threads, so we can talk about each situation in details, as it is harder to reply to a group with different problems in same thread. Regarding sex... Many things happened in my life, and if i was in counceling, the therapist would definitely find relationships between events in my life and my position on this topic, I personally not sure- thats the reason. But you are right- i constantly feel as my partners not good enough. And ou know what- I have a history of dating Narcissists- I am serial NPD partner, who dear Sam would call "inverted" narcissist, or may be full blowing narcissist myself- i am so used to ups and downs and drama of relationships with NPDs- normal people do nothing for me. Isn't it aronic?

[Ella Scott]

I think that's a good idea to post a separate topic on the subject of intimacy/sex with a narcissist and encourage you to do so. I think many people will be able to relate.